Winter Is For You
Here’s what you’re doing to do. You’re going to decide all the work you’ve done previously is not good enough and then you’re going to throw yourself down a hole. Oh yes. A deep, dark hole, and while you’re plummeting down you’ll start to remember things. Nice things, pleasant things, things that grow on rocks. You’ll remember these things because they are things you used to enjoy and now you don’t, why? Why don’t you enjoy them? Probably because, like so many others, you’re just too damn tired.
Okay forget the hole. We’re outside now. We’re looking at the fog rolling in and we’re reminded that all we really like to do is play outside and be with people. We’re reminded that work used to feel pleasurable. We’re reminded that most things are good in moderation but our world is always saying IF YOU STOP YOU DIE A BROKE LOSER so you keep going. You keep going because that’s what everyone does and so did you. Now you’re in the thick of it wondering why you’ve been staring at a pile of dishes for six days begging yourself to get up and do them.
You’re tired. And I’m tired too. This is me saying I’m taking a break. Little Magick Things has been a gift in many ways but I need bandwidth so I am pausing until the new year. I’d like to give myself time to figure out my life. (Casual, no?)
One of my favorite lines from my favorite movies comes from a small bookshop owner in New York. She’s writing to a pen pal and she says something along the lines of “I live a small life” and she’s genuinely very happy there. Her life, to me is not just small but rich too. She has clever friends, lives in a pretty city, continued her mother’s legacy, and eventually finds love. All of these things add up to be something extraordinary and I believe this with my whole heart. But still I find myself chasing down dead ends, unrealistic expectations, and corners of the world to hide despite the fact that I want a small, rich life.
One of the reasons I fought so hard to get back to just being a person was so I could enjoy it. So I could slow down and notice the little magic things that happened everyday. One of the reasons I fought so hard to heal was to be able to be happy for others, to delight in the work of my friends, and to be a part of things. There is no point “grinding” my way through writing and building a social presence only to become completely unable to enjoy the very things I write about.
For the first time in awhile I like myself. For the first time in awhile I am not consumed with envy for what other creatives are able to do. For the first time in awhile I sort of feel like a person and I’m genuinely excited to be a part of the world. I think it’s okay to step back and enjoy that.
Often when we’re holding on to too many things we literally do not understand that in order to take hold of good things, you have to set the bad things down. We yearn for what we cannot physically and mentally accept. I think I have finally set down my bad things but I worry I’ve over stretched my muscles and I’m scared to take hold of new, nice things because I might drop it. I’ve fumbled that before, back when I reached out to receive the gift and hold it with my pile of trash. It didn’t end especially well. Now I wonder if it isn’t so much about taking on another layer of heaviness with a joyful spin and more about letting nice things walk alongside you, be your environment and your companion instead of something you own.
We’re obsessed with conquering in our culture. We’re side hustling, we’re dominating, we’re always improving. When do we get to enjoy it? In the gym, if you work the same muscle everyday you’ll never get the results you want because the muscle never gets a chance to rest and because we don’t live seasonly and we’re obsessed with optimizing every morsel of time we get, we’ve moved away from the traditional seasons of down time. We worked really hard this year. Let’s hunker down in some blankest and linger awhile shall we? Let’s allow ourselves the much needed time just to enjoy things.
What’s my plan while Little Magick Things takes a break? Oh boy! Allow me to share, I’m going to get back out into the woods I love so much. I discovered Talking Rock, GA recently and it’s a little hidden gem in the Blue Ridge Mountains. I’d love to go back to this coffee shop in a tiny town. (Pictured below.) I want to free my brain enough to wander. I aim to give myself the gift of not living in the constant survival mode of needing to be moving and shaking. I’m going to drink tea and read books and work on my novel, but mostly I am going to just be. I’m trusting that I’ve put enough work in and the good things will find me.
Thank you for joining me these past few months as the blog has evolved and so have I. I look forward to doing more writing and especially building out some ideas of how I want this to work. If you’ve enjoyed this blog and feel like sharing why or what you’d like to read more of, let me know! Comment or reach out on social media: @aka.leahmorris. I’d love to hear from you and I hope you keep counting the little magic things.
The author of this piece would like to share some of the ways that life has communicated that things will be okay. Results are below.
The Roundup of Little Magick Things That Make Me Feel Sane:
I accidentally scared a woman coming out of an elevator as I was going in and we had a mutual laugh about it.
Fresh tomatoes from your friend’s garden are the BEST tomatoes. Tell your friends to grow a garden.
Last weekend my family gathered to celebrate my brothers’ birthdays and remind us all that we are loved no matter what. (Also I made them sit through a powerpoint presentation that had the whole room engaged in telling stories. It was awesome.)
There’s nothing quite like a group of people standing around watching somebody figure something out. Some gentleman from a moving company are outside this coffee shop trying to figure out how to get a hidden ladder down and it’s an interesting display of teamwork. (There’s at least one of them who knows what he’s doing.)
I found a tiny green duck in a coffee shop this week. May it bless you as it has blessed me.
